Going Home for the Holidays in College: Why It’s More Complicated Than It Looks
For a lot of college students, going home for the holidays is supposed to feel comforting: a break, a reset, a chance to be around people who know you best. But the reality is usually a lot messier than that.
There’s a quiet pressure to treat the holidays as automatically restorative - and when your experience doesn’t match that, it can feel confusing or isolating.
I wrote this to normalize how unsettling this can feel, and to reassure you that what you’re experiencing is far more common than you think.
The messy in-between of going home
By the time the holidays roll around, many students have finally started to find a rhythm: new routines, new friends, new independence. Then suddenly you’re packing a suitcase, leaving that progress behind, and stepping back into a version of home that hasn’t changed, even though you have.
For some people, that shift is comforting.
For others, it’s disruptive, draining, or emotionally complicated.
For most, it’s a mix of all of it.
The weight of expectations (yours and everyone else’s)
There’s an unspoken script about holiday break: you’ll sleep a ton, reconnect with childhood friends, eat great food, and return to campus refreshed. But going home can also mean:
comments about your body the second you walk through the door
relatives asking how school is going when you’re still finding your footing
slipping back into family roles you outgrew
managing parents who want to spend every second together when you were hoping for some space
returning to a town that brings up memories you’d rather not revisit
None of that is “restful.” It brings up anxiety, pressure, and resentment - emotions that don’t fit neatly into holiday expectations.
The comparison loop that’s hard to accept
The holidays are essentially a highlight reel: matching pajamas, big family dinners, “couldn’t be happier to be home!” captions. It’s easy to wonder why you don’t feel the same way.
You might be thinking:
“I don’t really want to go home, even though all my friends do. Is something wrong with me?”
“What if people ask about school and I don’t have a pretty answer?”
“I’m nervous about seeing people who comment on my body.”
“Home doesn’t make me feel like myself.”
Those thoughts make a lot of sense given what you’re navigating.
And if your semester wasn’t a highlight reel, maybe it was lonely, academically stressful, or full of adjusting, the constant “How’s school?” questions can feel like a spotlight on everything you’re still figuring out.
When going home doesn’t feel like “home”
Home can feel unpredictable, lonely, or tense. You might walk on eggshells. You might feel more alone than you did at school. You might not recognize your place in your old environment anymore.
That doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it means you’re in a transition that’s still unfolding.
So…what do you do with all of this?
Most people find that their holiday breaks aren’t all good or all bad…it’s usually some combination of relief, nostalgia, tension, and the awkward in-between. The goal isn’t to force it to feel a certain way, but to move through it with a little more steadiness.
Here are a few things that actually help:
Lower the pressure
Maybe break won’t be magical. Maybe it’ll be mixed. Expecting it to be neutral (not amazing, not awful) often makes it easier to tolerate, and sometimes that creates room for moments that feel genuine.
Make plans that give you a sense of stability
Even one or two intentional plans can shift the tone of the whole week. Things like:
seeing a friend who doesn’t make everything a comparison
time with a sibling or cousin who gets your humor
a short drive, walk, or errand where you can just be, without questions or commentary
These moments can anchor you when the rest of the week feels unpredictable.
Prep for the things you know will happen
If you know you’ll hear certain questions or comments, think ahead about how you want to respond. Simple, honest answers work:
“Still adjusting, but I’m figuring things out.”
“It’s been a mix. Some parts have been great, some have been tough.”
“I’m learning a lot about myself this year.”
You don’t owe anyone a polished update. These answers honor your truth without giving more than you want to share.
Step away from the comparison triggers
Not forever - just enough to notice your own experience instead of constantly measuring it against curated ones. Deleting or hiding an app for a few days can be a massive relief, especially when everyone posts the version of family life that looks nothing like real life.
Remember: this is temporary
Breaks feel long when you’re living them hour by hour, especially in a tense or exhausting environment. But this week doesn’t define you, your semester, or who you’re becoming.
You’re not going backward - you’re just visiting an old environment with new eyes. You’ll be back in your routine soon.
Feeling this way doesn’t mean anything is wrong…it means you’re in the middle of a transition that’s still taking shape.
Going home during college is complicated for a lot of people, even the ones who don’t talk about it.
If the holidays bring up heavier feelings, that’s often a reflection of the dynamics around you - not a reflection of how well you’re ‘doing’ college. It’s part of what happens when you’re figuring out who you are and what you want…it’s messy, and that’s okay.
If you could use extra support
If this season feels heavier than you expected, or you simply want space to sort through what’s coming up, I’m here. You can reach out to set up a conversation or learn more about the support available during the holidays and into the new year.
